Tribes. Trust. And All The Feelings.
- Sarah Elizabeth Quick
- Jul 5, 2017
- 4 min read
A good tribe is hard to find.
As a Life Coach, I listen to individuals share their difficulty in finding the support they need from the people around them. I would be lying if I said finding a solid group of ride or die friends is easy. If I were to be honest, it is a series of trust falls, bruises, and getting back up again. Sometimes you may get up slowly, nevertheless you get up.
I try to remind my clients that it is not them. In my previous blog, The Things That Mentally & Physically Kill Us, I wrote about they types of personality-disorders we may come across in our lives. It is difficult for others to meet us where we are when they are living in their own experiences.
Controlling - Those who have an opinion on everything and who think that they know what is best for you.
Narcissists - Those with an inflated sense of self-importance.
Criticizers - Those who feel that they are qualified to judge and belittle you.
Victims - Those who believe the world is against them.
Jekyll & Hyde - Those who are your friend one day, and attack you the next.
Abraham Maslow identified the need to belong as one of five basic human needs. We all want to feel loved and accepted by others. We all want to feel that we belong. When we belong, we live happy, calm and satisfied lives. When our need to belong has not been met, for example rejection or exclusion, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, jealousy, depression and suicide.
So how do we discern those in our tribe?
The members of your tribe accept you for who you are.
The members of your tribe want the best for you.
The members of your tribe make you feel understood.
The members of your tribe will encourage you to pursue your goals and your dreams.
The members of your tribe are ride or die, but they will slap you when you are out of line.
The members of your tribe will collaborate with you to create something amazing.
The members of your tribe will recharge you.
The members of your tribe will celebrate with you when you win.
There members of your tribe will meet you at rock bottom when you feel like the odds are against you.
The members of your tribe will catch you when you leap into new adventures.
It is important to remember that while your tribe supports you, you also share these same responsibilities to your tribe. The energy, support, and encouragement flow within everyone.
Just as the seasons change, those within our tribe can change as well. We move, we lose touch, we grow apart, or our gut discerns that time has run its course.
Trust.
Trust is the foundation of all relationships. I have a true understanding of my clients when they mention that they cannot find the support that they need. In many cases, it has nothing to do with those around us, but the trust issues that we harbor from our past. Trust issues are a double-edged sword.
For example, as we journey on this adventure called life, we look out the windshield to all of the possibilities in front of us. In our rear-view, are the lessons of our past. We approach a new destination, and we take our first step out onto new soil, and we are faced with one of three possibilities.
Your gut senses something is off, a past experience comes to mind, and you retreat back to your car; or,
You step into a fantastic new world that opens doors to new opportunities and experiences, and life is amazing; or,
You step into a fantastic new world that opens doors to new opportunities and experiences, life is amazing...until life is not so amazing anymore.
I am not going to lie, more often than not, that devil on your shoulder convinces you that #1 is your safest bet. We build walls safety and security that protect us from the possibility that the past might repeat itself. Those same walls that give us the illusion of safety and security also prevent us from experiencing amazing life experiences.
I am 110% guilty. You are not alone.
We have to be open to walking into new experiences with a commitment to be open and honest. We have to be willing to value the fullness of the experience instead of evaluating all the things that might go wrong.
What if this time everything was right?
Trust your tribe.
I have an amazing tribe of ride or die human beings in my life, and my tribe is evolving all the time. I am evolving all the time. I am a stronger person because of the people who encourage me to be the best version of myself, and they support me when I am not. I am far from perfect. All I can do, is strive to let the rear-view serve as caution while I enjoy the beauty and wonder of the windshield.
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