That Time I Lost My Balance...

I have this awesome friend, Trisha, who had some great thoughts on my last blog. I wrote, "If you happen to lose your balance, reflect on the hurdles." Trisha asked, "What obstacles crossed your path that distracted you from your place of balance?" She reminded me that in yoga your loss of balance typically come from within, not from the outside world. We create our own distractions, and this causes us to lose our balance.

For example, if I meditate at night I am super distracted. I think about things I forgot to do, I think about the things that I have to do, and I make my grocery list. When I go to yoga at the gym, I find myself straying from my center. I double check my form, or I get thrown because of others that are around me. So, I meditate in the morning and I do yoga at home.

I wrote the experiences we have on the mountaintop, those experiences that cause us to feel as though we are drowning, and the stepping stones between that we can use to find our way back up. Trisha challenged me to talk about my obstacles and distractions. So here it goes...

It was just last year that I was on the mountaintop. My college graduation application was accepted, I consistently made the Dean's List, I was graduating with honors, I was nominated to Psi Chi International Honor Society, and I was nominated to Tau Sigma National Honor Society. I am not very good at math, but I was nailing statistics. Life was good.

The night of my statistics final, I called my dad. I had passed my exam, passed the class, held my GPA, and I would never have to take math again! I did not know that this would be the last conversation I would have with my dad.

I remember the moment that I lost I balance. I remember the exact moment that I fell from my mountaintop. It was the moment when doctors were running to my dad's side. That moment when I found myself on the hospital floor.

In the midst of this major life event, I also began a stressful transition at work. I spent the remainder of 2016 feeling defeated while curled up in a ball at the bottom of my valley. I suffered from nightmares, so my doctor prescribed sleeping pills. I suffered from anger and severe depression, so I was prescribed anti-depressants and grief therapy. I juggled work, school, interning, doctor's appointments, therapy, and family for months. I blocked my pain with a busy schedule.

I cannot tell you the exact moment when I felt that nudge to find my balance again. However, I followed my stepping stones. My life experiences have equipped me for my climb. I started small, and trusted my gut. Today, I am able to use my ups and downs to share a message.